Barely Human
by sammy-is-a-sassquatch
Summary: Spoilers for the season 9 finale. Sam is trying to come to terms with his brothers death when an unexpected visitor appears shaking up his world again. And how will Castiel cope with Dean's new lifestyle. Trouble ensues. Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or write for the show.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**  
Fire was the one recurring thing in the Winchesters lives. The brothers knew the crackle of the flames and the smell of the smoke all too well. Whether or not it was one of their loved ones being roasted like a kebab or just a simple salt and burn, their lives always ended up in smoke. And here Dean was again laying in the rubble and ashes of what could have been. Except for once it wasn't him that has lost it all in another inferno. The promise of life and future for all these families had been so bright, so passionate. It had all been for nothing. It was strangely empowering to have been the one who had ended it.

He finally reached into his jeans to dig one of his numerous phones out. Judging by the size it was probably his second or third one. He scrolled down the seemingly never-ending list of females names until he found the number he needed. He hit the button and waited for the familiar raspy voice at the end of the line. " Oh hello squirrel, this was so unexpected. Did you have a nice trip?" Crowley cooed sarcastically. "Well if you mean the jobs done then yeah the trip was frigging fantastic" Dean retorted obviously not hiding his displeasure at having to work with Crowley." So then do tell, how was it? Did you feel the power?" He inquired with some sort of pleasure at asking this." Yeah, I guess so. It was..." Dean paused momentarily to find the particular word to describe the feeling he had letting that fire rage on, the feeling of the fire when it started crackling on the ceiling."Swell" he replied as a predatorial grin snaked its way on to his face. "Well then you better make your way out of the neighbourhood before the big scary fire-fighters come" Crowley insisted through the speaker."Yeah, yeah I understand. I was a human not an idiot" Dean replied. "Well that is debatable, Mr Winchester. And another thing aren't you taking things a little quick. I firmly recall that you were only human three days ago" Crowley drawled."Things change and so do people" Dean uttered sharply as if spending time on an explanation pained him. " Oh yes, you are a prime example of that. Anyways I need to give you your next name so to speak" Crowley said, his voice swelling with glee at the word name. Dean found this particularly odd that Crowley should find pleasure in assigning Dean another person to destroy but decided to continue the conversation, for whatever it was it certainly must be important to make the demon grin. It was a new experience being Crowley's hit man but everything had been a new experience since Metatron had jammed that stupid blade into his ribs. Once this was over he would surely get his revenge on that prick of a writer but for now he had work to do. " So then, spit it out. Who do I have to barbecue next?" Dean asked. Crowley paused then continued in a gloating tone as if his whole life had led up to this point. "Samuel Winchester."

* * *

**Chapter 1**  
First of all, everything happened very gently and slowly. First Sam could feel his eyes peel open and everything was right in the world for a moment then realization set in. Dean was dead. Dean was dead and he was never coming back. He wanted to get drunk again, to pass out and not remember that moment. It was the slurp of flesh as Metatron jammed the goddamned blade into Dean that Sam remembered most. The look on his face. Sam had never seen Dean look so innocent as if he was four years old again. As if all of the horror and terror of their lives hadn't happened. As if he still had mom and everything was safe and happy. As if nothing had ruined his chances of a normal life with a white picket fence. It was all Sam's fault. If he hadn't been born, if he didn't have had that fight with Dean, if he had stopped Dean from getting that mark...The Guilt was consuming him and drink was the only thing that could numb the pain. He had lied to Dean about being okay with him dying. He was only trying to break out of the cycle of pain and death of their family and look what it had cost him. Sam had tried so hard to break that chain, so that he could finally have a normal life but it was all in vain. All of it was so swiftly snatched away from him. The pain of seeing his big brother, his idol, his hero being wrenched away into death again. It was all too much. And that bastard Crowley hadn't shown his face when Sam had tried to summon him. It was his only shot of reclaiming his brother and that coward Crowley never even granted Sam that. Sam expressed his displeasure at having to hoist himself off of the floor with a deep guttural sound. It seemed as if he had just passed out from too much whiskey and suddenly Sam felt that whiskey as his eyes finally came into focus. "Shit, this place is a complete mess." Sam spoke aloud before realizing all too bitterly that there was no one to speak too but himself and then the pain set in again. If only Crowley had gave him a chance to switch places, to see his brother one more time breathing and walking again, cracking his stupid jokes and trying to make Sam smile. It would be worth going to hell for.

Instead he dragged himself to the kitchen to see if there was anything of nutritional value in the bunker. He properly found out that all he could have to eat was a salad, which by Sam's standards was pretty mediocre. But half of way through munching that salad he recognized the fact that no one was teasing him about being a girl and eating a salad or that he could have at least picked nice rabbit food, it was strange to be missing these things. "Maybe I should check on Dean's body and finally put him to rest" he thought and that's when he remembered. Cas didn't know what had happened. He didn't know if Dean was dead or anything else that had happened. He was going to have to tell Cas that Dean was dead. With a heavy heart Sam rushed out of the kitchen and into the library where we had carefully placed his phone on one of the mahogany desks after chucking it across the room in a fit of rage and sorrow. "Why Dean?!" Sam had screeched at the time of the phone throwing. It was all too much. He placed it into his palm and glanced at his missed messages. They were all from Cas. He had said that they had captured Metatron and the writer was now residing in Heavens jail. "At least something good has come out of Deans death" Sam sighed wishing with every fiber of his being that he would wake up and hear "Heat Of The Moment". Anything was better than this. Sam finally plucked up the courage to dial the number and hear the angels voice burst down the line. "I'm so sorry Sam, I was waiting for you to call" the angel choked out in his usual deep voice."Wait, you know?" Sam responded in shock. Who else knew that Dean had passed? And then it hit him like a lorry going at full speed. "Metatron" Sam whispered down the line almost certainly knowing what the answer would be. "I'm afraid so" Cas muttered and only then Sam knew how much this had affected the angel. He could hear the broken tone in Castiel's voice and could hear the mumbling of the words. This is not how an angel speaks, not an angel like Cas. " I'd really appreciate it if you came and helped me with the um, matter of the corpse " Sam managed to stutter out feeling undeniably damaged by the fact that he already was talking like dean wasn't here. "I'll be there as soon as I can" Cas sadly admitted. The line ringed dead in Sam's hand as he lay the phone back onto the table and that is when he glanced up.

That figure, that man, how? Dean was standing in the bunkers doorway with a smirk on his freckle dusted face and arms open wide. "De-Dean?" stammered out in surprise. This was simply impossible, he had laid Dean's broken body onto his bed with his own two hands and now he was up walking? This was unimaginable. "But how? Are you really there or have I had too much to drink?" Sam asked dumbfounded. " No little brother, I am really here but you're gonna wish I wasn't" Dean beamed as Sam took in the smile that was across Dean's face. This wasn't Deans regular smile or any other type of smile Sam had seen plastered across his brothers face. This was the assassins weapon of choice, the butchers favourite knife, the predators teeth about to snap shut on Sam's legs. "You're not Dean" Sam accused, fear holding in his eyes and burning at his core. "Nah you're not right on that one Stanford boy, 100% Winchester number one standing right in front of ya" Dean sneered grin becoming wider by the minute. "No my brothers not like this, not ever.." Sam retorted still shocked by the elder Winchester's behaviour. And that's when the eyes flashed, turning from bright emerald-green to those empty black pits staring right at Sam. "Hey wouldn't you know it, I don't need sunglasses any more" Dean smirked as he flicked them back to their natural green apple shade. " You motherfucking bastard, get out of my brother right now!" snapped Sam changing from grieving brother to the hunter that those bitches knew and feared. " Language Sammy! Manners get you everywhere and I'm not in your brother, I am your brother. New and improved" the demon countered not giving Sam anything but a childish grin.

"Fine then you sick twisted little shit, I'll send you back to hell myself" Sam announced before launching straight into an exorcism. "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas.." Sam paused to see what kind of effect It had on the son of a bitch that was possessing his brothers corpse. Nothing not even a flinch. Sam huffed then started it back up again determined to get the demon out of Dean, "omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica" He stated finishing triumphantly hoping that this would get that disguising creature out of his brother. Again there was nothing. "But h-how?" sputtered Sam almost silently. " I told you Sammy, I am Dean" answered the demon. " The mark held on to me even after Metatron's blade had done its damage". "No this must be some sort of nightmare or something, my brother would rather die than become one of the things that he hated all of his life, the thing that killed our mom, the thing that killed Jess the one girl who had actually made me happy and most of all the thing that killed our dad. Even though he was a dick at times he still taught me and my brother nearly everything we know. You wanna know how I know this? He told me himself!" Sam spat violently. "Boo hoo Sammy, my heart bleeds for ya but sadly I gotta do what I came here to do" confessed Dean. Swiftly Sam felt his body being slammed against the brick wall of the bunker. "Please Dean, if you're in there you don't need to do this.." Sam cried with tears forming in his eyes. "Please..". "Sorry little brother, I do. Bosses orders but I am gonna miss you. Just little you miss that fly when you swat it " grinned dean with no humanity or mercy in his eyes anymore. "Dean, please. You're my big brother and I need you. This isn't you. Fight this.." Sam begged as tears ran down his face. " Fires gone out of this fight Sammy, so to speak. All I'm gonna do is let you have one more bonding session with little Jessy" howled Dean with a murderous glint in his eye. Sam could taste the salty tears as they reached his mouth as he started ascending the wall. Soon we would be on the ceiling experiencing what too many of his family members have experienced "Dean...I'm Sorry" he babbled looking straight into his brothers eyes. He felt the flames start dancing around his body as he was stuck in the middle of the bunkers ceiling. He felt the pain start bubbling around his body as the flames licked his body. "Dean..." Sam choked out as thick smoke clouded the room. "Goodnight Sammy" Dean called out from somewhere bellow him as the whole room faded to black.


	2. Chapter 2

Two things happened to Sam Winchester as he finally pulled himself from the unconscious black swirl of a nightmare gone wrong. First he saw a bright blue sky, the colour the same as sapphire glistening in the sunlight. Secondly he disturbingly emptied the contents of his stomach onto his jeans as he sat bolt upright. "I'm dead" was the first thought to swim around his head. "I died on that ceiling so how can I be here" he breathed aloud to himself clueless to where he was. No other traces of any other souls were showing as Sam finally wiped the disgusting remnants of a semi-digested salad of off his chin. Was this some twisted version of Heaven? Or another version of Hell for him to experience? All these questions and there was not one single answer. He finally heaved himself unto his feet and brushed down his red plaid shirt. Everything was a mess. Dean being a demon was utterly crushing, the final blow to these past few days. Sam's life had always been wild and harsh but never before on this scale. He was trying to come to terms with his brothers recent passing before everything had become painful again. Before his brother had been a merciless killer with eyes as black as his soul.

His eyes scanned his surroundings as he realized were he was. There was a familiar shape to the gas station across from the road in which Sam had been laying down on. "Shit!" Sam exclaimed as he hurried across the road towards the gas station hoping that there where no cars around to knock him down. Then again, who would want to die twice in one day? The Gas stations sign caught his eye as he realized a familiar feeling in his stomach and this time he was pretty sure he wasn't going to spew everywhere. It was realization. This place wasn't from some of his more endearing memories or one of his horrifying ones, this was the gas n' sip around 2 miles from the bunker. "Wait what?" He sighed. This day had been one of the most painful and confusing of his life so far and that wasn't a statement Sam would just throw around. He reached into his jean pockets to find his phone then instantly remembered he had left it on one of the library desks. "Oh crap" He murmured lowering his voice to a whisper. He didn't want to alarm anyone around him even although it looked as if there was no one to alarm. Being labelled as a strange 6'4 man wandering about with sick plastered to his jeans and talking to himself was not one of the things he wanted to happen today but neither was burning on the ceiling. Sam looked down again in shock still wondering why there wasn't a bump or a scratch on him. All of a sudden it all clicked into place as if someone had added the final piece to the jigsaw puzzle. The Gas n' sip, the unscathed body, the last person he had talked to, It all finally made sense. It had been Cas, he had been the one to save him. Only the leader of Heaven could have had moved heaven's gate in time to save Sam, only Cas would have thought have that trivial sign to show Sam, only Cas could have commanded some other angels to heal him and transport him to a safe location without so much as a whisper. Sam would have been touched by the gesture if it hadn't have been for the seriousness of this situation. All Sam could do now was warn the angel about Dean, about what he had turned into before it was too late. Sam raced into the Gas n' Sip looking for a phone. His friend's life might depend on it.

Dean was waiting for the smoke to clear, to see the charred remains of his former brother with a grin still placed on his face when it happened. The bright blue glow started from where Sam had been laying on the ceiling. The boldness of the colour and the intensity of the glow were both mesmerizing, almost spellbinding. Then it was gone, cut short almost as soon as it had started. That's when the God squad decided to cut in and ruin his fun. First two angels marched in through the bunkers door, one with their left arm held high. Dean guessed that he was the one responsible for bright blue glow. Then there was the one who was slightly recognizable as Hannah, Cas's number one fan. Dean wouldn't mind to tear her pretty little face apart, piece by piece. It would probably be quite entertaining. The arm holding angel was possessing some sort of middle-aged man who just looked as if he spent most of his time drowning away his life in a brandy glass. Dean could sympathize with that. The male lowered his arm and stiffened the grim expression that was fixed to his face if if being in Dean's presence brought great dismay to the angel. Then there he was standing behind his followers, surveying the damage that Dean had caused, looking as if he was going to cry at any moment. Looking so frail, so human, it would be perfectly acceptable to mistake this man for being anything other than Heaven's new leader. Yet his unmistakable jet black messy hair and trade mark trench coat told Dean who was masquerading behind those pretenders. "Oh little Cassie, look who finally decided to join the party!" Dean beamed as if this moment didn't cause him pain as if even thinking about Cas didn't want to make Dean want to rip his own lungs out. He was one of the things that had still had feelings for but even those were fading. Soon he would be ruthless, finally able to do whatever he wanted for the first time in his life. He would be finally free from everything he had ever known. " Hannah, Guriel , Please leave us. I need to speak to Dean alone" Cas mumbled in voice that no longer belonged to a leader, this was a mouse pretending to be a lion. His line of sight didn't even leave the floor, not once had the trench-coated angel glanced at Dean. The little bitch Hannah sighed patiently before ushering herself and Guriel out of the door.

Cas carefully descended the steel steps, never once looking at Dean. Then the angel looked up and straight into Deans eyes and dean saw it. The indescribable it. Behind his vessels bright blue eyes he saw Cas, the real Cas. His true form was blinding, utterly beautiful in every way. This was the first breeze of spring and the last day of summer rolled into a vision of curiosity and pure grace. The energy of a child yet the knowledge of an old man, if these things could be personified than Castiel was the living embodiment of them. This was a disgrace. All of this was a complete and utter mistake. If this is how Dean saw angels he only wondered how angels saw him. Guriel's reaction wasn't promising and Dean could only remember how much of an ugly broad Ruby was when he saw her true face. "Is this what I've become?" cried a voice from inside his mind, the wholesome part that had partially had been screaming when he tried to roast Sam like a marshmallow. He thought that he had buried that piece of crap already.

Cas shuddered as one small tear leaded from this vessels eyes and ran down his cheek. Dean had no idea of what he had become, how horrible his soul had been tarnished. He would never know what it would be like to have to look into his and just see emptiness and hate, no longer the laughing joking big brother that would protect Sam from anything but the twisted ugly creature trying to kill the brother he had loved so dearly. He would never have to see the monster that held his best friends memories and grin captive as he sliced into the innocents, burning and punishing the good. Cas tried so hard not to weep for the memory of his friend, of the man he held so dear. If only his Dean could have seen where the mark would have taken him, where working with Crowley would get him. Had his Dean seen himself laughing while his brother burned helplessly on the ceiling, he would have hate running through his veins and a scream trapped in his throat. But this wasn't his Dean, this was the twisted abomination that had tried to set Sam ablaze. If Hannah and Guriel hadn't had interrupted then poor Sam Winchester would be a pile of ashes right now. His good friend would be dead and that made Cas even more furious.

" Do you know what its like to even acknowledge your existence right now?" Cas questioned the being standing in the smoke. "No but I can take a guess?" Dean grinned trying to hide his emotions. It had been so easy to hide them from Sam, he was ready to kill. He had the marks power pumping through his veins enraging him even more. This was business matters and frankly they were simply thee most boring thing that Dean had to deal with at the moment. "DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO MAKE LIGHT OF THIS SITUATION" Cas boomed anger suddenly erupting from his mouth. His true form blazed like fire beyond his vessel, his Deans eyes switching between them both. Cas didn't try to wipe the tear that had swept its way down his neck. "Don't you dare.." He sighed switching back to the defeated leader that he made his way into the bunker. "Look it was necessary to do this, I have a list to complete and he was just another target. It was fun while it lasted angel but it truly wasn't anything personal" back pedaled Dean with emphasis on personal. He truly didn't want to hurt Cas unless he had too."Don't you refer to the brother you raised as another brother who depended on you solely to provide his every meal and comfort for when the nights were dark. Don't you refers to me as another angel, I have died for you Dean Winchester. Multiple times. I would not be speaking truthfully if I didn't say I would do it again. Just look at yourself Dean. Look at how far you have fallen Dean, where is the righteous man now?" " Cas exclaimed with pity. What had happened to his Dean? Was he even still in that monster or was he completely lost to its power? He didn't want to think of that possibility. Everything had been too overpowering, he now had to act like the leader that the other angels look up too. "Stop this, you are a good man. You don't need to do this.." He continued waiting with bated breath for Dean's reply. "Oh but I want too. I know how far I've fallen, you of all beings know about falling. But Cas you know what it's like to have power. You were God once, you must know what it's like. It's that rush of adrenalin while the victim screeches their last breath out. The savage feeling of alpha as you control the auburn blaze. Its unbelievable" expressed Dean with spirit as if he wholeheartedly believed that this was his cause. It made Cas feel sick. "No Dean, I don't understand. I wouldn't know what it was like to kill innocents just for the thrill of it. You even tried to kill Sam!" Castiel growled anger slowly rising again. Would he ever get through to Dean? Even if he was surely lost he would never give up. Dean would never give up on him or anyone for that matter. But Cas was beginning to feel broken again. "Look are you done preaching to me about the greater good or whatever you were talking about, I have things to do" expressed Dean. "Stop it, can't you see the damage you have caused already? Where is the one man who taught me how to smile and laugh, the man how taught me to stand up for what's right even if that means going up against my family, where is the man who made me learn more things in five years than in the rest of my existence? The man who would trust me unconditionally even after I had made my mistakes and the man who was always there for Sam and I? Where is he?" uttered Cas. "Gone. He couldn't fight it anymore" sighed the demon. With that last word on the matter he teleported out of there no longer wanting to face the angels questions, the memories and feelings that Cas had stirred still burning in his mind. He thought he had finally become emotionless, free from the shackles that had ruled his life from day one but it only took one scruffy haired, blue-eyed angel to change that.

Castiel had only blinked for a Nano second but as soon as the unpleasant stench of sulphur hit his nostrils he knew that Dean had vacated the room."Goddammit!" he cursed then realizing why he'd done it. It was another thing that the righteous man had taught him to do, shout profanities into the sky when everything turned sour. Except that this time maybe everything couldn't be patched up. That one tear had broken the barrier, like a droplet escaping from the dam. Castiel crouched down against the brick wall and let the tears race down his face. He had lost his family once again, he had lost his everything and he hadn't even had the chance to tell him. What was he without his righteous man? Just another baby in a trench coat he guessed. Then again Sam needed his help at the moment, maybe he would be able to help bring Dean back from the darkness. So many thoughts were racing around his mind but in the end they all gave in to the tears, the fear of losing Dean was so great.

"Cover my eyes

Cover my ears

Tell me these words are a lie

It can't be true

That I'm losing you

The sun cannot fall from the sky

Can you hear heaven cry

Tears of an angel..."

Taken from the song Tears of An Angel by RyanDan.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas heard the large metal door creak open as a massive blurred shape appeared in the bunker. He quickly wiped away the small trickle of salt water from his vessels eyes as they finally came into focus again. He still had his back firmly pressed against the concrete wall which he had previously slide down while feeling that overwhelming sense of sorrow. The righteous man is gone. Castiel, the angel that now leads heaven, the being that had pulled Dean from the fiery depths of hell could not save him from those depths again. Dean would forever be remembered on one of Cas' ever-growing lists of failures. Cas couldn't even save the one man who meant everything to him, who had taught him that humans are much more than what meets the eye, that their choices are not what define them but their souls. How was Cas supposed to lead all the angels when he couldn't even save one hunter? That thoughtful and brave man was now lost to hell's blaze and there was nothing Castiel could do about it but weep. How would his Dean feel if he had awakened as that thing and discovered how twisted and broken he had really become? Has his hatred for himself finally consumed him? Cas could never understand why Dean hated himself. He may have done some unholy things but he always redeemed himself and then went off to go save some helpless being's life. How could a man who was so good, fall so far? But for now Castiel had to turn his attention away from these questions and to the figure that was now recognizable as the younger Winchester, Sam.

Sam's appearance was noticeably disheveled and rugged as if the only sleep that he had acquired has been those odd moments of passed out bliss. _How wonderful must it be to turn all of your thoughts off, even for a small period of time_ Castiel thought with pained expression creeping upon his face. He promptly dismissed these jealous thoughts and turned back to Sam, who seemed like he was struggling with life at the moment. If anything that was an understatement. Sam had a patchy beard growing in and oddly what appeared to be a thrown-up salad spread all across his jeans. If Cas didn't know any better he would have assumed that Sam was a homeless man like the ones he would see on the corner of streets, sitting there begging for money. Cas always felt pity for these people and would always dip into his coats pockets to spare some change for them. It was somehow fitting that Sam looked like one of these men since he no longer had Dean. He now didn't have the person that meant home for him. Dean was the anchor for both Sam and Cas and now it felt like without him they were both drifting.

Sam launched himself from the top of the bunker's stairs to the bottom then swiftly across the floor to Cas. Cas finally pulled himself off of the floor and stood as tall as he could next to Sam. He may not look like it now but he was the reluctant leader of heaven and that fact sometimes slipped the Winchesters minds in times of need. Sam promptly pulled Cas into a hug full of relief and thankfulness. "You're alive!" Sam breathed after finally relieving the cobra-like grip he had over Cas. "Yes, thankfully the situation could be handled with words" Cas replied but did not look thankful for Sam's concern. He wasn't meaning to be rude but his mind was racking for a solution for this mess and had currently come up with nothing."Honestly Cas? Did he really listen?" questioned Sam."I don't know what he was like with you but he was just evil with me" He continued, sorrow and pain obvious in what Dean would describe as his puppy eyes. Cas sighed before offering his answer to the defeated looking brother, "Look Sam, I don't know if he was really listening or if he is still in there but if he is then it must have been torture to go through with that. This may sound like a stupid question but are you alright Sam?". Sam began to crouch down against the dark brick wall that Cas had been previously crying on. He had finally sat fully down on the flooring before he began his answer. Cas found it bizarre to see the man who had saved so many lives crawl into such a small ball of resent and misery " Physically I think I'm fine apart from the puke but does it sound.." He paused to think about his answer as if he has unsure that the next thing was the right way to say how he felt. "Selfish or wrong if I said it was better when he was dead?" He confessed carefully before continuing with the rest of his reply. " I guess what I mean is that even though I was a mess at least I knew where everything stood. I mean at least if he was gone then he wouldn't be something he hated and he wouldn't have tried to fry me. I know it wasn't him but his face and his voice was pretty bang on, it was like living a real life nightmare even though we do that all the time. At least he wouldn't be hell's bitch and would be up there with mom and dad, ya' know?" Sam sighed while feeling slightly guilty that he had said that. Even thought that's how he felt he wondered if it was right to say that.

Cas slunk down next to Sam, taking in what he had said. How was he supposed to reply to that? Was Sam right? Would Dean be in a better situation than he was in now? No, he couldn't think like that. Above all Castiel had to have hope. If this situation was reversed he knew deep down that Dean would try his hardest to fix Cas. After all that was all Dean had done since he was old enough to hunt. Ride around the country fixing the world from evil. It was now disgustingly ironic that Dean was now that evil that he used to rid the world from. Cas need to find a way buy any means of helping Dean and doing so he also need to lift Sam's spirits. He need to give him hope. "Sam please, you can't bring your thoughts to that. You need to keep faith in saving your brother. Think of all the moments you have shared together. Even though in these past years your relationship has been strained but you need believe. Believe in his cocky bravado that brightens your day, believe in that brother that played those mischievous pranks on you. Believe in that brother who no matter what would not give up on you, would not do what your father ordered him to do even though he would never disobey an order. He was determined to save you. Even though I have only been on this earth for a mere matter of years and will never fully understand humans, I know that I am completely certain about something. **I believe in Dean Winchester**. Please Sam, I need you to believe in him too" Cas declared devotedly knowing that Sam needed this and that Cas in a way needed this himself. He needed this to be received clearly to Sam. Sam was all he had left now, well the only thing he had left that mattered.

Then the next thing Cas observed would be forever be ingrained in his memory. He turned his head to Sam to see how his words of encouragement had been received and he saw it. Sam's head was tucked into his legs and his arms were draped around his head like a child as his whole body shook like a boat on a stormy day, rocking back and forth like he was on the waves. The sound is what Castiel would remember so vividly, the choked gargled sobs escaping his mouth were possibly the most painful thing that Cas had heard come from Sam's mouth. "Um Sam I don't understand... I thought my words would help you not harm you. I give my word that was not my intention, I wholeheartedly apologize for that" Cas wailed trying so persistently to show Sam that he did not mean to make him suffer. " It's not you Cas, it's just... I need him. Please I need my brother back so bad. Do you think you could zap me back, not to change anything but to see him? To see us, two boys just on road fighting dumb monsters before all this. Before all this apocalypse shit and demon deals. Before I lost every single thing I had ever cared about. Look at me Cas, I'm just sitting here doing nothing to help him just sobbing about how I wish I could take it back. I wish I could have spent more time and helped. If I had just known about the mark maybe I could have stopped all this. Maybe if I had been a better brother maybe he wouldn't have needed to turn to Crowley. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have gave up on him.." He finally mumbled after the heart wrenching sobs had stopped never once pulling his head up from his legs. That was when Cas performed the most human-like gesture he could, this is what separated him from rest of the angels. Cas wrapped his arm round the youngest Winchester's massive shoulders and whispered four little words, "It will be okay". After what seemed like ages Sam finally pulled his head off of his lap and with a stiffened smile he remarked with a slight chuckle "And you say you don't understand humans".

After pulling himself off of the ground Cas then lowered a hand to Sam, glancing at his puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Sorry for that, it's just there no one else I could say it too. I have no one left and I know its a bit much but thanks anyways Cas" Sam breathed knowing that this would change things between them, knowing that Cas isn't going to think of him as the boy who risked his life to stop Lucifer but more as the boy who wept his heart out on his chest and he didn't know if that terrified him or relieved him. "As long as you don't feel guilty anymore and Sam would you mind if I asked you for a favor?" the angel remarked with a comforting smile in place for Sam. "Um alright but what is it that I can do?" muttered Sam with confusion spreading across his face. "Research, specifically on knights of hell. We need to save your brother" replied Cas with all the stature of the leader of heaven. "I'll check the bunkers resources really well alright? And Cas thank you for listening to me, you're the only friend I have left and it really matters to me that you helped me. I really mean it" Sam beamed gratefully. "No problem" the dorky angel grinned proud that he was getting to know Sam better. " I should go check on Hannah, Guriel and heaven soon but before I go, I better apologize to you" mused Cas. "What for?" Sam said as the confused look snaked its way back up his face. " For labeling you as the boy with the demon blood when I first came across you. It is so much more obvious that you are so much more than that and if I could change my actions back then I would certainly do that. I am truly sorry for that, Sam Winchester" admitted Cas. "It's fine Cas, go and make sure heaven isn't going to hell without you to lead it" chucked Sam. "Why would heaven go to hell? They are two vastly different realms and are extremely far away from each other also both can't move." deadpanned Cas with his familiar head tilt. With that Sam let out a small snigger and hugged Cas one more time while wishing him good-bye. "Stay safe, Sam" Cas said graciously. "You too, Cas" Sam replied calmly. This was how they parted, no big finale or dramatic speeches. The conversation was lost to the bunkers silence as Cas ascended the stairs to the other angels and Sam began his research. This was things finally getting back to normal, back to the old ways and calm of this life but it would not be that way for long.


End file.
